Original or Extra Crispy?

I have decided to break the silence tonight.  Chrissy is in pain and I feel like crying.  I feel like going to sleep in effort to end this terrible day.  It all started more or less with me only minutes after waking and remembering that I left my bike at the Bahnhof.  I debated on getting my other bike out of the cellar, only to remember that it doesn’t have fenders.  It was in an instant clear that I had to retrieve my bike from the Bahnhof.  I decided to take the strassenbahn to the Bahnhof because it was cold and windy and looking like rain.

I rode all the way over to my doc’s office for my estrogen shot.  The whole ride there I was thinking that I need a hat, or at least something to cover my ears.  I had a dull headache that I was hoping the shot would take care of.  A different nurse gave me my shot today.  She looks like a throwback from the 80’s with the spiky frosted tips and the leopard print sweater.   She has a very good bedside manner though.  She told me before she sank the needle and asked if I was okay with it.  Once it is in, all I feel is a slight burning sensation deep in my flesh.  I left with the warm tingly feeling that I have come to enjoy.  It didn’t seem so cold out anymore.  I felt like I was walking on cloud for a few minutes.  On the ride to work I realized I left my ID at home.  Bummer, I decided to go home and get it.  It started to feel colder outside again.

I got to work and was met by the two freaky consultants that have taken over my once quiet office.  They are supposed to be there to help us “design to cost”, it would help however if we actually had defined cost targets to achieve.  The point would be that I would be able to work closely with them, but in reality I don’t have any extra time to fuck around with these guys.  I have more than enough work to keep me busy every hour of the day up until and beyond when I go on vacation in December.  I was met with a barrage of questions as soon as I entered my office.  I hadn’t even had the chance to log onto my pc and it was already ten.  The whole time I was thinking to myself that I don’t have time for this and I needed to find a way to make it stop.

I basically got nothing constructive done today at work, only blah-blah all day long.  I am supposed to be helping Doris with the presentations that we are to give next week.  I absolutely must get a couple of things done tomorrow.  I left work at four thirty to go home and shave to get ready for my next ELOS treatment.  I went outside to get my bike only to find pouring cold rain.  I was soaked by the time I got to the doc’s office, and it is only two blocks away.  I had them apply Emla today to help with the pain.  The nurse that applied the Emla was very nice.  She did a good job covering it with saran wrap and everything.  I had the doc turn up the power a little.  The first time he did it on 30 joules and this time 32.  I didn’t feel much while he was frying my face, but mensch am I feeling it now.  It did damage.  I could feel it only when it got something deeper than the numbness, which I am hoping was hair follicles.  I had him do around my nipples and between my breasts also.  My right nipple still stings a bit.

Since the Emla wore off I feel like a piece of fried chicken.  I cooled my skin with a cold pack, but immediately afterwards it really stung for a half hour.  My face and neck will no doubt be all lumpy and swollen tomorrow.  I don’t see any black burnt spots like I did last time, but I can feel several spots that are still stinging.  Not a good sign.   I hope this time really does the job.  I don’t know how much more of this I can take.  I hope you are really sure all this is worth all the pain.  I feel spent right now as enduring pain tends to draw out the old endorphins.  Imagine having to lie perfectly still while being zapped repeatedly for an hour or so.

I fantasized today at lunch about just getting up and leaving, never turning to look back.  I am under constant stress right now and I don’t like it.  The days are going by faster now anyway, even if I am accomplishing less.  I am totally looking forward to going back to the states for Xmas.  I need to somehow make it through the current onslaught.

I need to finish this now, but first I will use a technique sweet trini taught me, write a list of the things left to write about.  Here goes:

Marek and the customers from Honda
Heidelberg and losing my cookies
Drive with Linda through the Odenwald
Visiting my shrink Jerry
Bembles for Sandi
Shopping with Linda
Haso kebab haus
Dinner with Helmut
Email to Jason and Elise

There.  Now I have no excuse not to remember.  These are important times that I want a complete record of.