turk plus

A really greasy turk just tried to pick me up at the plus grocery store.  I saw him a couple of days ago on my side street staring at me as I rode by.  He got in line right behind me in the checkout and was trying to convince me to come home with him.  I am pretty sure he wanted to take me home because I am trans.  I have facial hair for Pete’s sake.  I am growing out my cheek hair for electrolysis and it’s getting long.  He was close enough to me to see it a couple of times.  I got a little pissed because I felt like he thought I was a slut or something.  Go home with him after meeting him five minutes before?  fuck-off.  I like girls anyway.  If this was ten years ago I probably would have done it without thinking.  I’m sure I will see him around again, he lives about five buildings away on Adelungstrasse.  He was really hot on me.  It felt good that someone was attracted to me, but he was gross.  Even if I liked men, I still wouldn’t go home with him.

The most disturbing thing about it was that I actually contemplated going home with him for a split second.  I attribute that momentary lapse of reason to the fact that I haven’t had sex with another person in over three years.  Hmmm.  That means that in the last ten years I have only been with one person.  Interesting.  If you looked at my track record before that, you would be mildly disturbed.  I am ashamed of some of the things I have done in the past.  And when I looked into his eyes I could see the faces of the men that did get me home with them.  I was a bit mixed up back then.  All those times meeting Rita to go in town to the tranny bars.  Seedy days in Boston relived.  No thank you.  Although the scene in Boston opened my eyes to a lot of things trans, I still maintain that I am fortunate that I didn’t transition back then.  I probably would have died long ago of aids or some other STD, or murdered like Rita.

I am happy with myself that I was able to resist his come-ons without effort.  I didn’t even feel any excitement from it.  It took me a couple of seconds to realize what was going on with him and the bubble popped.  That’s exactly the type of grease ball that I don’t want to go home with.  I guess I can make that a rule.  No going home with guys that want to have anal sex with you.  That just makes good sense especially for your mental health.  I have been getting down because I have been feeling like the only people who are interested in me right now are guys like him, and he proved my theory.  I don’t get girls hitting on me wanting to take me home.  Not that I would expect such behavior from a female.

I was thinking of going to the gay & lesbian disco last night to give it another try.  I didn’t go, but I might go next week.  The last time I went to the disco was last summer right around now.  In the couple of times that I went, one girl and one guy talked to me.  I don’t think the girl was really interested in me.  I want to try it out again to see what happens.  I look much better now in comparison to last year.  I am guaranteed to be one of a kind there, or anywhere for that matter.  It just makes me unique I guess.  I am one of the very few who is foolish enough to dabble in gender changing.

I was contemplating getting involved with the women’s cultural center here in town.  Mari had invited me to go to a Frauen bar night at the center a couple of months ago.  She volunteered to bartend that night, but I backed out.  I should have gone.  I don’t feel comfortable going there by myself.  I have a fear of groups of hard core feminist lesbians.  I am probably just making a big deal out of nothing again, but I will wait until Mari goes with me.  I don’t want to be lynched in the herrengarten or at the very least made to feel bad because I am not a “real” woman.  Maybe I should stop being so paranoid.

Anyway, I am at the very least happy that I had the pride and will power to avoid a bad mistake.  I don’t need any setbacks now.