halfway

I have passed my blogging two year mark. This will be my 156th post. Not too shabby. I only have one blogless month. Slacker. This blog is older than me!

Things are looking up in my private life, but my work life is getting suckier everyday. I want to move to the Netherlands. Finding a job is going to be the hard part. Jen read my blog and commented to me that she noticed I was the happiest when I was in Amsterdam. She asked me what was keeping me here and pointed out that there isn’t much according to my writing. She is right. The only thing that is keeping me here is employment which sucks, and my friends Helmi, Mari und Christi. They and the rest of the people I know would understand if I left. It’s not like I’m moving back to the states or anything. I’m not sure at this point if I will ever go back. I’m relatively sure that moving to the Netherlands would be a good decision. Why the fuck not? I wouldn’t have to worry too much about continuing treatment there.

I was thinking that I should probably look for a job while I am waiting for my evaluations and the eventual decision from my health insurance about paying for my surgery. If it is positive, I would stay to have it completed. I have invested too much time in my treatment here to walk away now. I need only maybe six more months of electrolysis to be completely clear. If all goes well with obtaining the evaluations, I can expect to receive a decision by January ’08.

If it is a negative decision, then I will probably flip out, and move away. I should just get moving now and save the time and the flip out. I have a feeling I may be going sooner than I think. Most people that I have had the chance to talk to in Amsterdam ask me “why don’t you live here?” Almost everyone has asked me that same question. I know it wouldn’t be a bed of roses in the Netherlands, but at least I would be able to visit the city more often. I have been lazy about looking for jobs there. I should get on it. I had a good experience with a headhunter to find my current job twelve years ago. If anything it is a chance to tap into a larger network.

I was in Amsterdam again this past weekend for just about twenty fours. Technically I was in Scheveningen too for a good portion of those short hours. I got to slam dance to Elle Bandita, and watch some new friends having fun rolling down sand dunes. It was all too much fun. I paid for all the fun with a sinus infection over the past few days. I am feeling better today; I think my sickness has broken. If I could do it all again I would, multiple times. I had the most wonderful experiences there that I will never forget.

I had a dream the other night that I fell into the Voorburgwalsgracht and was swimming to avoid being hit by the canal boats. I got all caught up in fishing net and started to sink. Then a talking crocodile swam under me and caught me on its tail and pulled me to a safe spot where the water wasn’t so dirty. The crocodile told me it saw the whole thing go down, and it wanted to devour me at first sight, but then it realized how helpless I was and decided to get me out of there. The croc got me free of the net and then told me as I was treading water, “now that you are free, you have five seconds head start to swim to that ladder over there, and then I will be coming to devour you.” “I like my prey to be a challenge,” it said baring its teeth with a sinister chuckle. I suddenly realized it wasn’t joking so I started swimming for my life. I turned to look back and it was getting dangerously close, I could see its big brown eyes staring me down almost paralyzing me. I managed to get my right hand on the first rung and was swinging the left around when I felt warmth just above my left hip. Just as I felt the teeth sinking into my flesh, I woke up and it was over. I didn’t actually feel any pain; it felt more like a jolt that awoke me, like the falling sensation. In thinking about the dream, I realized there is no canal on voorburgwal, it has a tram line on it. And crocs aren’t very common to see in the canals, much less talking ones with a taste for chrissy. I get chills when I think about the dream. Crazy stuff. I think that’s enough for now. I am going to sleep and to dream no doubt of canals and crocodiles.