softcore westerns
I am running my life like a crazy person lately. For just about the last year I have going through cycles of where I work myself half to death and then take a too short vacation. The demands that work has put on my time and nerves is becoming too much. Sometimes I feel so low that it seems all I have is my work. That is the sad truth however. When I sit here and think about the performance on the job that I am expected to deliver, it boggles my mind. Doesn’t anyone realize how overwhelmed I am most of the time? The VW project has had five people alone from mechanical engineering working on it. I have been trying to put out the fires so that the rest can get the manufacturing documentation completed. I am never able to finish anything before I must stomp out the next flaming bag of shit.
In the end I am just a victim of poor planning. The last project that I got shit on with wasted a year and a half of time leaving me six months to complete what would normally take eight. So much was riding on that project and it was so terribly mismanaged. That has become unfortunately a common occurrence. Internal projects don’t hurt so much, whereas customer projects like Audi and VW are too important to fuck up. It bothers me that all the things on my plate don’t get fully eaten. It seems as though everyone that I work with has become so accustomed to doing more with less that we have lost sight of what a normal work environment operates like. We desperately need to hire people, both to replace those who are leaving or have left, and all the people that were laid off.
I have been trying to keep the customer happy by showing them results. The customer lost three months in their ordering process, but they refused to change their schedule to accommodate the loss of time. I was already three months behind the eight ball before the project even started. It might be slightly easier to handle if I was given a raise at my last review.
I want more time to enjoy my life. I am very frustrated. I will be going to work a bit later, after I have finished washing my clothes. It has done nothing but rain for the past several weeks, and it figures today is a nice sunny day. It is almost 20 degrees warmer than it has been within the last couple of days. I guess I will have to look out my window if I want to enjoy it at all.
There are sewing projects that I want to work on but have no energy left over to even begin them. It’s not fair that my company puts extraordinary demands on me that leave me depressed, stressed and tired most of the time. The pattern has been repeated two times so far. The first time was leading up to Xmas where I felt like a zombie ending up in Kyoto for a week long design review. The next time was when Rach came to visit in march. Both times I got sick upon stopping to go on vacation.
I wonder if the reason that I found the blonde redhead and sonic youth gigs not so good was because I was depressed. I know that depression a factor, but it leads me to see it as my losing the parts of my life that I am supposed to be able to enjoy. Most of it but not all is due to my job. The other things are frustration with my slow moving treatment and feelings of loneliness.
On a high note, I have been invited to go to a’dam for gay pride on the first weekend in August. You rock G! I am really excited about the trip. A’dam has turned into an oasis of sorts for me. I go there more or at least about as often as I go back to the states. Four hours on a train is much easier than eight hours on a plane after all. I naturally find the city so enjoyable because I am just there to hang out. The last trip was rather utopian in nature, and it opened up new worlds for me. The amount and diversity of things to do and see there are simply overwhelming. And the mindset of the people there is for the most part refreshingly open. The subculture there is thriving. That’s where I like to spend my time, underwater as it may be. I am so excited, but a little nervous too. I am curious what this coming trip has up it’s sleeve. The pride weekend in a’dam is famed for its boat parade, but most of all for the parties that ensue. I hope to be able to relax for some time while I am there too, but I’m not sure that is going to happen. I could probably take a couple of days after and stay on the coast. I could wave to my sisters on the beach on the other side of the atlantic. But that would blow my cover, and massive guilt trips would follow.
I definitely want to buy fabrics at the cyup(sp) markt this time. I should probably bring my large suitcase half full so I have a place for the booty to take home. They have fabrics all the time that are here only seasonal. They had a much larger selection and at much better prices than anyplace around germany. It’s all good.
I’m going to wash now and then drag my sorry ass to work. I am getting dangerously close to the two year mark of my blogging madness.
In the end I am just a victim of poor planning. The last project that I got shit on with wasted a year and a half of time leaving me six months to complete what would normally take eight. So much was riding on that project and it was so terribly mismanaged. That has become unfortunately a common occurrence. Internal projects don’t hurt so much, whereas customer projects like Audi and VW are too important to fuck up. It bothers me that all the things on my plate don’t get fully eaten. It seems as though everyone that I work with has become so accustomed to doing more with less that we have lost sight of what a normal work environment operates like. We desperately need to hire people, both to replace those who are leaving or have left, and all the people that were laid off.
I have been trying to keep the customer happy by showing them results. The customer lost three months in their ordering process, but they refused to change their schedule to accommodate the loss of time. I was already three months behind the eight ball before the project even started. It might be slightly easier to handle if I was given a raise at my last review.
I want more time to enjoy my life. I am very frustrated. I will be going to work a bit later, after I have finished washing my clothes. It has done nothing but rain for the past several weeks, and it figures today is a nice sunny day. It is almost 20 degrees warmer than it has been within the last couple of days. I guess I will have to look out my window if I want to enjoy it at all.
There are sewing projects that I want to work on but have no energy left over to even begin them. It’s not fair that my company puts extraordinary demands on me that leave me depressed, stressed and tired most of the time. The pattern has been repeated two times so far. The first time was leading up to Xmas where I felt like a zombie ending up in Kyoto for a week long design review. The next time was when Rach came to visit in march. Both times I got sick upon stopping to go on vacation.
I wonder if the reason that I found the blonde redhead and sonic youth gigs not so good was because I was depressed. I know that depression a factor, but it leads me to see it as my losing the parts of my life that I am supposed to be able to enjoy. Most of it but not all is due to my job. The other things are frustration with my slow moving treatment and feelings of loneliness.
On a high note, I have been invited to go to a’dam for gay pride on the first weekend in August. You rock G! I am really excited about the trip. A’dam has turned into an oasis of sorts for me. I go there more or at least about as often as I go back to the states. Four hours on a train is much easier than eight hours on a plane after all. I naturally find the city so enjoyable because I am just there to hang out. The last trip was rather utopian in nature, and it opened up new worlds for me. The amount and diversity of things to do and see there are simply overwhelming. And the mindset of the people there is for the most part refreshingly open. The subculture there is thriving. That’s where I like to spend my time, underwater as it may be. I am so excited, but a little nervous too. I am curious what this coming trip has up it’s sleeve. The pride weekend in a’dam is famed for its boat parade, but most of all for the parties that ensue. I hope to be able to relax for some time while I am there too, but I’m not sure that is going to happen. I could probably take a couple of days after and stay on the coast. I could wave to my sisters on the beach on the other side of the atlantic. But that would blow my cover, and massive guilt trips would follow.
I definitely want to buy fabrics at the cyup(sp) markt this time. I should probably bring my large suitcase half full so I have a place for the booty to take home. They have fabrics all the time that are here only seasonal. They had a much larger selection and at much better prices than anyplace around germany. It’s all good.
I’m going to wash now and then drag my sorry ass to work. I am getting dangerously close to the two year mark of my blogging madness.
posted by Christine Cormier @ 1:33 PM
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