posteed

I have so many posts that I wrote that I never posted. I usually write my posts in word and then paste them into my blogs. I learned that trick in my early blogging days. I got sick of after working on a post for hours by some strange twist of fate it’s gone. Lost forever. If I had posted all of it, I wouldn’t seem like such a disinterested blogger.

I am feeling abnormally depressed today. In my work email there was a big letdown. I was slated to work on an engineering study that is worth a million euro that appears to have passed me by. I was hoping that we would be getting some new orders so that I could keep working. Everything just looks bleak today. I suppose it could have something to do with me missing my gel for four days in a row. Or, it could be that the economy is in the shitter big time, I’m just about broke due to working only three days a week, and the weather is gray cold and snowy. All I want to do is sleep all the time.

I am thinking that maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to take the fashion blogging too seriously. I should have known it would have been addictive like crack. I got so high from the experience that I am completely obsessed with doing it again, and this time to get paid for it. I think I am good enough, actually better than blogging, but blogging is so super hot at the moment that I can’t pass it up. I have the potential to write at a more advanced level than blogging, so I am hoping that through blogging I can work my way into some real writing. Full feature length articles preferably. I am struggling with how to get the most exposure to generate the most amount of leads for freelance assignments.

I loved the journalism aspect of the Fashion Week coverage. It felt so natural to be discussing the details with the designers. I felt almost like a peer, almost. I was able to at least speak their language and therefore got them to open up to me. I wanted to get inside their heads to get as much content as possible. The problem is condensing it afterward. That is something I need to work on. I take in so much visually that I have trouble with leaving something out, feeling the article incomplete or not telling the whole story.

How did blogs become so popular anyway? I started this one in 2005 and it served it’s purpose for me personally. It is a depository for written accounts of my experiences. With all the supposed visibility that I gained through blogging AIFW, it stands to reason that many people have visited my vault here. I wonder what they think of me now? I am not entirely the polished, confident persona that I displayed at the shows. Or am I? I think deep down inside I am that person, and that is my game face. Everyone needs a game face, especially in fashion.

I experienced almost total professionalism at AIFW. I wasn’t turned away by anyone, except for the official closing party. I wanted to go as a form of closure of the events. They wouldn’t let me past the door and I thought it seemed like the only pretentious situation I had encountered all week. The party seemed more like a Redken courting session from outside, and I don’t think anyone I know actually went. I got to look for a recognizable name on the guest list, but it seemed like there weren’t any discernible names, just the same email address over and over. The greeters were aloof but nice enough, and there was a total thug with really bad energy controlling the door. I went home and got to spend time with my fiancé. That was rewarding. We worked on getting my website organized together.

It does something to me to view a designer’s collection the very first time it is shown, before public consumption. I also see that it is a made up privilege, only to be shown to everyone who cares to look at photos a couple of minutes later. It is definitely different experiencing it live, the first view.  What a rush!