too many docs, so little time

I’m feeling out of sorts today.  I am sitting here listening to Judas Priest and blogging.  I can’t think of a better combination.  I can’t help interpreting the lyrics now with the Rob Halford gay taint.  Since the leather culture hit the mainstream it all seems to make sense now.  Anyhoo, I managed on Sunday to cut out a pair of cropped trousers, in muslin as a fitting garment.  The unassembled pieces have been staring me in the face since then.  I hope I am able to get to it tomorrow night after my visit with my psychiatrist.

I left work early yesterday to get ready to go to see my endocrinologist in Ffm.  I made it to the train station on time, but I ended up on the wrong train because I am a ditz.  Somehow it became really confusing because the flat screens said one thing and the announcements said something totally different.  Then they threw a brand new train into the mix.  I realized by the time the train got to the first stop that I fucked up.  I got off and waited for the next train to come to take me back to the main station.  That train was supposed to make it to the station in time for me to take the next train to Ffm.  I didn’t make it.  I even missed the S-bahn.  I had to wait a half hour in the freezing cold for the next train.  I ended up arriving for my appointment an hour late.  Lucky for me they still took me.  My endocrinologist is such a nice man; we talked about quite a few things during our visit, and not just hormones.  He is always very supportive.  This was the first time he saw me in female mode.  He was a little shocked when I told him I wasn’t living full time yet.  He said, “But I clearly see a frau sitting before me.”  Then I explained about the name change hearing in Detroit and then it became clear to him.  He ordered some blood work and I was off to wait to be called.  The nurse that took the blood was a total hack.  My arm still hurts today from it.  I think she pierced right through both walls of my vein.  I had some blood taken two weeks ago from the same spot without a problem.

I ended arriving late for my therapy appointment because of all the earlier screw ups.  Jerry apparently finally decided to educate himself about transexuality, as he had a hand written list two pages long of topics to ask me about.  I have a feeling that when he talked with my psychiatrist, he probably realized that he doesn’t know much about what I have to go through to transition.  I don’t mind educating him, but it seems like he should be paying me instead of the other way around.  He told me that he treats a lot of gays and lesbians and is quite aware of their needs therapy wise, but knows next to nothing about what a transsexual’s needs are.  It seems that the small number of health care professionals that deal with transsexuals tend to get all of them , mostly by word of mouth within the community.

I met with my regular doc today about my cholesterol.  It had climbed a bit since I checked it last in August.  My LDL is 255.  She said with the smoking, she couldn’t let it go.  She put me back on the medication.  Shit!  I had planned on trying to fight it, but I was a bit too euphoric from my injections I got just a few minutes beforehand.  I had trouble keeping the grin off my mug.  I was already feeling kind of gleeful before I even left my apartment, but the inrush of hormones pushed me into warm and tingly land.  She explained that I would eventually get a fatty liver, you know, the kind they make Chrissy liver pate’ from.  I don’t want to take the meds, but I will.

Yesterday I re-read the disclosure letter I wrote on Saturday to my aunts and uncles and cousins.  I was amazed that for a first draft, it was actually pretty good.  I may not even revise it.  I do need to fill in the blanks where I planned to suggest some literature such as books and internet sites.  I may send it to a couple of sisters to have them read it to see what they think.  I will probably send it next week in paper form.  I’m not sure what type of reaction I will get from them, if any.  I’m not sure what I would do if I received such a letter, so there.  I am nevertheless happy that the time I put into writing it paid off.   I wasn’t sure the outline of it was appropriate, but it reads just like I wanted it to.  I tried to mix matter-of-fact-ness with some emotion, which is not always an easy blend.  It works.  I am debating whether or not to post it to get some independent feedback.  Na, I think I will just go on my instincts.