little trouble girl

I know, I have been seriously slacking when it comes to blogging.  I have been working so much lately that I don’t have the time or the want to write.  I have been working on average 15 hours of overtime per week, including working on Saturdays.  Sucky.  Since early October I have filled my comp time account which was usually right around zero.  After working for five hours yesterday I now have over fifty hours in the account.  The maximum that is carried over month to month is seventy, which I will easily achieve before the end of November.  It has helped that I haven’t had many treatments to go to in the last four weeks.  I will be doing electrolysis only once a month until I am totally finished.  I hope to be done with the torture in six months time.  My therapist has been on vacation/training and I won’t see him again until the end of the month.

The beginning of October was a very difficult time for me for some reason.  I was severely depressed and things at work were hitting the skids.  I blogged about my difficulties with my über project manager on October ninth, and the next day he continued with his threats.  We were discussing how much must be completed before I go on vacation which ended in a heated argument.  He threatened me by saying that if the work isn’t done, then I am not allowed to go on vacation.  Bullshit.  He promised us that he would free up some people to help us achieve our goals and also a set of keys so I could easily gain access to the building on weekends.  On both of the promises, he didn’t deliver.  My boss, Jens, had to iron it all out.  Thanks for that.  My vacation plan was still unsigned.  Heike recommended that I compromise and start my vacation when project management wanted.  My therapist also recommended that I compromise.  Why should I be the one who always has to compromise?

While getting ready for work on that following Wednesday, I decided that I must be having some sort of hormonal problems.  I made an appointment with my doc for noon that day.  Jens had scheduled a meeting between me and the project manager to try to mediate a solution to my vacation planning.  I spoke with Jens to inform him that I had a doctor appointment during the time when we were supposed to meet.  He said it was ok and he could handle it alone.  I ended up compromising and agreeing to start my vacation in CW 50 with the condition that the remaining days would be allowed to be carried over into January.

I went to my doctor as planned.  They forgot about me in the waiting room and I ended up having to wait for over an hour.  I told her about all of my symptoms; feeling tired all the time, lost weight, depressed, suicidal, breast growth seemingly receding, hot flashes, night sweats, erections, anger.  She said it sounded like menopause.  She suspected I might be having thyroid problems induced by too much or too little hormones.  She also insisted that she write me off sick for two weeks.  I told her writing me off sick would only aggravate the situation.  She tried to convince me to at least take a long weekend.  She seemed very concerned about me and ordered a thyroid screening and estradiol level check.  I went back the following morning to have the blood drawn for the tests.  She also tried to get me an appointment with my endocrinologist quickly, but I was only able to get an appointment for the 14th of November.

I went back the following Tuesday for my shot and to get the results of the blood tests.  The thyroid test showed no sign of trouble, and my estradiol level was 146 pg/ml.  She wasn’t able to make anything of my level because she wasn’t sure which phase to compare it to.  I would have to wait for the endo appointment.  She again tried to convince me to take some time off.  By that time I was somehow feeling better, and was able to see things a little clearer for some reason.  It was like the dark clouds had given way to hazy sunshine.  Weird.  I spoke with a couple of friends to find out what a normal estradiol range was for me.  They told me it should be somewhere around five hundred of so.  I was at 146, seemingly too low.  I am going to ask my endo if I can try a higher dose of estradiol to see how it goes.  I hope he agrees.

Thankfully, the über project manager wasn’t around at all in the weeks following.  I generally feel much better now, even though I have been working myself to death.  The design I am working on is very challenging at the moment and is able to hold my interest.  I am working on the movable part of the machine that has so many parts that have to fit in and move relative to each other without collisions.  Collisions are a bad thing.  I have designed a similar system a couple of years ago, so I am able to use what I have learned before.  I hope to avoid some of the past mistakes.

The design review in Japan has been pushed out once again.  The dates that were proposed from the Japanese side were the 4th or 12th of December.  The 12th wasn’t going to work since I am due to start my vacation on the 9th of December.  It was finally decided this week that we will be having it on the 4th.  So I will be in Japan for CW 49, and then beginning my vacation as planned on the ninth.  I won’t be coming back to work until the 22nd of January.  Six weeks off.  I hope to forget where I work by the end of my vacation.  I will be flying back to the states somewhere around the 16th.  I want to plan a week of skiing somewhere in the Alps for the second or third week of January.  I am looking forward to seeing my friends and family again.

After finishing the blazer jacket on the third of October, I didn’t work on a damned thing the whole month.  I need some new winter clothes which I started working on a week ago.  I sent my letter to my health insurance to a translator per email to get a quote to have it translated.  It is going to be fairly expensive.  I also called the opera singer, Lia, to discuss working with me on improving the quality of my voice.  She was very nice and enthusiastic about working with me.  I have appointment with her on this coming Wednesday.  She lives way far north of Ffm out in the country.  I will have to take a train to Nieder Wöllstadt, where she will be picking me up and bringing me to her house.  I am excited to start working on my voice.  Thursday I will be going to electrolysis for my upper lip and chin areas.

I wanted to write about a Saturday night I had several weeks ago.  I first went to meet Andrea at the Oettinger villa to see an emo band.  The band was terrible.  I left there and went to the Schloßkeller for a drum and bass party.  The party was really boring at first with the music kinda suckin.  Some people eventually started dancing, but I decided to leave.  As I was walking out of the schloß with my bike, I walked past the back door of the club and could hear the music well.  I parked my bike and broke into a dance.  I decided that I wanted to dance and went back inside.  I danced for about two and a half hours, and it felt really nice.  I like watching all the kinetic energy in the other people dancing around me.  It’s so much fun, I love it.  I was soaked to the bone with sweat by the time I finally went home to crash and burn.  Too bad parties like that are relatively seldom in these parts.

More to come soon…