getting there

I want to try to get back into regular postings. My poor posting consistency is not for lack of noteworthy events, I am just a lazy sack. That’s not quite true either. I have been spending nearly every free moment at home on sewing projects.

I was obviously in a very dark place when I wrote the last post. I do know that there are people that care about me out there, you for instance. I know that when I am feeling that way I should call someone to talk to, but when I feel that way I don’t feel like talking with anyone about it. Kind of self defeating, I know. I miss my friends and Kpo and family in Detroit, and family in Mass. I want to take a trip back for a couple of weeks sometime soon. I probably should get my plans together for the holidays soon so that I can book my flights that will be paid for by my company. I was contemplating saving all my remaining vacation days, only 24 days left, until December. I started off this year with a 40 hour deficit that took me months to make up. The German working hours arrangement is very flexible and dangerous at the same time.

I have selected a bunch of courses that I want to take this fall and winter through the Volkshochschule (VHS), the VHS is an adult further education program. They offer courses in everything from languages to the arts. I was surprised to find a 12 session classic ballet course, but it was apparently the second course for beginners and I should probably start with the first course, I assume it is taught in the spring/summer session, so I will have to wait. Learning ballet has been sort of a secret desire of mine that I have kept secret ever since elementary school. I was jealous of the girls in my class that were dancers. I look at it now as something practical for me to learn that could help me be more flexible and also maybe help me to be more graceful with movement. I am not sure how I would be accepted in such a setting though.

I have selected four other classes that I will take. The first is an enameling class for two five hour sessions in Roßdorf. The second is a goldsmith course for six, two hour sessions in Groß Umstadt that runs on Monday evenings. The third is a sculpting class where the technical parts of casting and the creation of the form are taught, in Darmstadt. It is possible also to have the form cast in aluminum, iron, or bronze. There is also the possibility to visit the foundry for a tour beforehand. The last is a hand weaving class for one eight hour session in Fischbachtal. The enameling, goldsmith, and sculpting classes are all sort of related and are all things I have always wanted to try. I’m not sure I will be any good at any of it, but I would like to try it anyway. I hope to make some contact with the people that have a workshop to maybe do some further work. The hand weaving class is another thing I have always wanted to try. I can envision myself weaving a nice tweed or boucle. I am excited to learn something new, especially creative things.

I met Chloe in NI after getting my nails done yesterday. We went to Ffm so I could return the camper pumps that I bought a couple of weeks ago that didn’t fit right. I learned that my (ex) friend Linda has cervical cancer and that she is in the hospital to be treated. I am very sorry to hear that she is dangerously ill. I hope that she is able to come away from that and remain healthy. I don’t know anything about cervical cancer; I should probably research it some.

Chloe and I went to Sisley to say hello to Alvero, and his partner Jesus was there as well. I asked Jesus if he could cut and color my hair sometime soon. I will have to call him in a week to set up a consultation so he can get everything together for the day he does it. I am not sure what I want to do with my hair. I will ask him what he thinks he can do with it, taking into account my racing stripes. I would like to bring out more of the red in my hair, but that may make me a little too ghost-like I fear. I think I may have finally found the right combination of hair care stuff to keep it healthy. I could never have imagined how much work is required with having long hair. I may have him shorten it significantly, I’m not sure yet. I trust him to do a good job.

I started working on a blazer pattern last Sunday. It is a Burda pattern out of one of their magazines. It took me about six hours to prepare all the pattern pieces, including the interfacing and lining. The Burda patterns require a lot of fundamental knowledge about pattern making. They don’t include any seam allowance, so every piece must be traced and edited to include the seam and hem allowances. The interfacing and lining have to be separately patterned and there aren’t any instructions included for them. I am planning on using fusible woven interfacing patterned according to classic tailoring with hair canvas. I have cut a size 16, since the jean jacket I almost finished making in a size 18 was way too big, but then again it was a Vogue pattern. I have laid out the pattern pieces on a length of olive stretch corduroy for the first go at it. I have found a copy of the Singer tailoring book on EBay that I think I will bid on, since that book is an indispensable guide to classic, machine, and fusible tailoring methods. If the fit is correct I plan to make it again in red stretch corduroy with either pants or a skirt to match.

My electrolysis session this past Wednesday was a bit difficult. She was able to clear my cheeks within 55 minutes. Most of what was left there were mostly really fine colorless hairs. They only take one impulse, but it hurts terribly just the same. I think my cheeks will be the first area to be finished. My neck is next on this coming Wednesday. It seems as though I am really close to the end of electrolysis. Yay!

I am trying to cut the list of things that I still need to update my name change with. I went to the telecom on Thursday and also found the electric company’s new office location and their business hours. I plan to go this week to finish that up. My US credit card will be sending me a letter in the mail to fill out and return. My cell phone and car sharing I will have to mail or fax the request and documentation to. A glaring item on the list is my extended family. I really should get that done very soon, after that then my whole little world will all know and there will be nobody important left to inform. I will be finally past the informing stage of transition.

I have been spending may too much time lately being addicted to YouTube. I have revived my fascination with the old fashioned art of scratching with vinyl. There are many videos for this topic, but I find the Qbert ones to be the best. I have also found some good drum and bass stuff, including a short clip of a young girl dancing to DnB, cute.



Another interesting thing I found was a group that calls themselves Improv Anywhere. They are a large group of people that pull stunts such as riding the subway without pants and throwing surprise birthday parties for friends on the NY subway. The capers they pull are really cool and it makes me wish I lived in NY.

I finally was able to reach mother on Monday night to wish her a happy birthday. I spoke with Jackie too for a bit. I think she has finally accepted the fact that I have changed for good. It was nice to speak with her. I spoke with Allison this week also. Trini wrote me a supportive comment, thanks Trini. I had therapy on Tuesday, which went a lot better this week. Wednesday I had electrolysis and Thursday I went with Helmut and Peter to Bensheim for the annual wine fest. I didn’t really like any of the wines I tried. They were all either too sweet or just not aged enough. Friday night I went to the Frauenkneipe (women’s bar) at the Frauenkulturzentrum. It all went fine as I had met most of the women there at some point in the past, and they all know about me being trans. I’m not sure if any of them had a problem with me, or at least I didn’t notice anything. I had a good time. I walked home together with Frederica, since she lives in the same corner of the city as me. Last night I went with Marion and Christiana to the Pfungstädter Kerb, a Kerb is a city fest that usually happens in the summertime. We saw a really good rock band called “Beatshots”. They rocked.