Frustration
This past week has been quite rocky. The third of October was for me the six month mark since I started living full time female. I don’t regret at all making the switch. My regrets are more related to the lives I have affected with my fits of denial and acting one way but feeling another. I have been very frustrated this week for many reasons. My vacation time has been tentatively settled with work. As it stands now, I have from the 24th of November until the 7th of January free, that’s six weeks. I am really looking forward to that time. I am assuming however that it will be changed this week at work.
My project manager was supposed to call me on Wednesday, but he never did, surprise surprise.
I am also very frustrated that the temp engineer working with me is getting mired in the details of his design and therefore he is already a week behind in releasing for manufacture. I am ultimately responsible for what he does, and it will surely be at least another week late before it is finished. Friday we didn’t speak to each other because I was pissed and had put some restraints on what he is doing in interest of getting him to bring his work to a close. He is caught up with trying to satisfy every concern that can be accommodated, even things that could totally change at assembly and at which point all the time he has spent will have been for naught. He is a good engineer, but temps seem not to have the level of motivation to bring things to completion, since they don’t carry the responsibility that comes with full time employment. Motivating factors like poor reviews, pay reductions, and ultimately getting fired. I have to try to be tough with him next week, to provide a little motivation. We are to meet tomorrow t discuss the status of his work so that I can take a beating for it being late in our internal Tuesday meeting with project management.
I suspect that part of my frustration may be hormonal. I was due to have my double shots last Tuesday, but it was a holiday here and the doctor was closed also on Wednesday. I received my shots on Thursday morning finally. I had a therapy appointment that afternoon in Ffm. As soon as I got off the train at the Hauptwache I began to sweat profusely for no apparent reason. I am thinking that I should probably schedule a visit with my Endo soon to check my levels to see if anything has changed. I have been feeling generally down lately, even though I have been achieving things. I feel rather trapped because of my vacation situation. I am not able to move freely, and that is killing me.
Another point of frustration has been getting my hair cut (butchered). I desperately needed to have it trimmed back to a healthy length, but I am definitely missing it now. My stylist had visions of long bangs in the front, which I was skeptical of since I still have the bald strips on either side of my forehead. For the first couple of days I had the leaning towards crying out of frustration that I let him do this to me. I was just getting the hang of dealing with my long hair and not washing it every day. Oh well, it’s too late now. He lightened it a bit too much for my liking as well, although the lightness tends to help camouflage my problem areas. I have also been slowly coming to accept the fact that my hair will be a frizzy mess no matter which product I put in it. That sucks, but it’s a fact. I have two bags of failed shampoos, conditioners, and styling products. Since none of them work particularly well, I should probably minimize my losses and use them all up instead of throwing them away. I have been on a quest for the miracle product that will tame the wild beast that is my hair, but alas, it doesn’t exist. The last straw was last Thursday when I went into a hair care store in Ffm where the saleswoman tried to push a bottle of conditioner on me that costs 28 euro for maybe two weeks supply. I realized at that point I have to stop. I also love how they give you samples to try that would only be enough for someone with a pixie haircut. I need industrial size samples to have any effect. I mean, come on, 28 euro a bottle? I am wondering if they put like fetal stem cells in it or something. One good thing that has come of my recent haircut is that it seems a lot fuller (excessive layering) and doesn’t take half as long as it did to blow dry it. I am also learning how to use a paddle instead of a round brush. I was very close to the point of violently ripping all my hair out, now that’s frustration.
One sort of good point to this week was that I finished the blazer that I had been working on for the last month. It fits well, except for the sleeves are too short. Then again this first blazer was only supposed to be an experiment with fit and technique. I managed to get most of it done based solely on my memory of tailoring techniques since I didn’t have the tailoring guides. I cheated a little by disassembling an ill fitting jacket I had made a couple of years ago. I tried using fusible interfacing which in the end isn’t going to work out. I bought some horse hair canvas interfacing Thursday in two different weights for the next jacket. I also discovered the secret of achieving perfect sleeve heads. They are not to be pressed at all after insertion. I used a stretch fabric and cut a size 42, which I am not so sure about the fit if I use a non-stretch fabric. I suppose it would be ok if the sleeves were the appropriate length. Overall, I am happy that I was able to complete a wearable jacket that fits like a glove, and that I know exactly what needs attention on the next one. Everyone that has seen the fruit of my labor is astounded that I made the jacket myself, and that make me feel good.
In my never ending quest for well fitting shoes, I have again been let down. I went shopping for a dark brown casual pair of boots yesterday. I found a really nice pair of lace up mid calf boots at Dielmann, but they only had them up to size 41. I could put them on, but they were a bit too tight especially if I wanted to wear a heavier wool sock in winter. They were the perfect style, so I am going to try to go to another larger Dielmann to see if they by chance still have a 42. It would seem that 42 is a popular women’s size, but most stores, if not all, only stock one single pair. The other smaller sizes they have plenty of, which end up being sold at the end of the season for cheap money because they didn’t sell. It doesn’t make any sense to me. EDIT—I just took a break from writing this to check to see if I could find the boots online…I just ordered them and they will be delivered in the next couple of days! Yay!!! They only cost 89 euro, which is a great price for leather boots. I have satisfied my craving for a casual jeans kind of boot. Now I can concentrate on making knickerbocker jeans to go with them.
I should try to clean my apartment today. The clutter is getting the better of me and it needs to be dealt with, now.
My project manager was supposed to call me on Wednesday, but he never did, surprise surprise.
I am also very frustrated that the temp engineer working with me is getting mired in the details of his design and therefore he is already a week behind in releasing for manufacture. I am ultimately responsible for what he does, and it will surely be at least another week late before it is finished. Friday we didn’t speak to each other because I was pissed and had put some restraints on what he is doing in interest of getting him to bring his work to a close. He is caught up with trying to satisfy every concern that can be accommodated, even things that could totally change at assembly and at which point all the time he has spent will have been for naught. He is a good engineer, but temps seem not to have the level of motivation to bring things to completion, since they don’t carry the responsibility that comes with full time employment. Motivating factors like poor reviews, pay reductions, and ultimately getting fired. I have to try to be tough with him next week, to provide a little motivation. We are to meet tomorrow t discuss the status of his work so that I can take a beating for it being late in our internal Tuesday meeting with project management.
I suspect that part of my frustration may be hormonal. I was due to have my double shots last Tuesday, but it was a holiday here and the doctor was closed also on Wednesday. I received my shots on Thursday morning finally. I had a therapy appointment that afternoon in Ffm. As soon as I got off the train at the Hauptwache I began to sweat profusely for no apparent reason. I am thinking that I should probably schedule a visit with my Endo soon to check my levels to see if anything has changed. I have been feeling generally down lately, even though I have been achieving things. I feel rather trapped because of my vacation situation. I am not able to move freely, and that is killing me.
Another point of frustration has been getting my hair cut (butchered). I desperately needed to have it trimmed back to a healthy length, but I am definitely missing it now. My stylist had visions of long bangs in the front, which I was skeptical of since I still have the bald strips on either side of my forehead. For the first couple of days I had the leaning towards crying out of frustration that I let him do this to me. I was just getting the hang of dealing with my long hair and not washing it every day. Oh well, it’s too late now. He lightened it a bit too much for my liking as well, although the lightness tends to help camouflage my problem areas. I have also been slowly coming to accept the fact that my hair will be a frizzy mess no matter which product I put in it. That sucks, but it’s a fact. I have two bags of failed shampoos, conditioners, and styling products. Since none of them work particularly well, I should probably minimize my losses and use them all up instead of throwing them away. I have been on a quest for the miracle product that will tame the wild beast that is my hair, but alas, it doesn’t exist. The last straw was last Thursday when I went into a hair care store in Ffm where the saleswoman tried to push a bottle of conditioner on me that costs 28 euro for maybe two weeks supply. I realized at that point I have to stop. I also love how they give you samples to try that would only be enough for someone with a pixie haircut. I need industrial size samples to have any effect. I mean, come on, 28 euro a bottle? I am wondering if they put like fetal stem cells in it or something. One good thing that has come of my recent haircut is that it seems a lot fuller (excessive layering) and doesn’t take half as long as it did to blow dry it. I am also learning how to use a paddle instead of a round brush. I was very close to the point of violently ripping all my hair out, now that’s frustration.
One sort of good point to this week was that I finished the blazer that I had been working on for the last month. It fits well, except for the sleeves are too short. Then again this first blazer was only supposed to be an experiment with fit and technique. I managed to get most of it done based solely on my memory of tailoring techniques since I didn’t have the tailoring guides. I cheated a little by disassembling an ill fitting jacket I had made a couple of years ago. I tried using fusible interfacing which in the end isn’t going to work out. I bought some horse hair canvas interfacing Thursday in two different weights for the next jacket. I also discovered the secret of achieving perfect sleeve heads. They are not to be pressed at all after insertion. I used a stretch fabric and cut a size 42, which I am not so sure about the fit if I use a non-stretch fabric. I suppose it would be ok if the sleeves were the appropriate length. Overall, I am happy that I was able to complete a wearable jacket that fits like a glove, and that I know exactly what needs attention on the next one. Everyone that has seen the fruit of my labor is astounded that I made the jacket myself, and that make me feel good.
In my never ending quest for well fitting shoes, I have again been let down. I went shopping for a dark brown casual pair of boots yesterday. I found a really nice pair of lace up mid calf boots at Dielmann, but they only had them up to size 41. I could put them on, but they were a bit too tight especially if I wanted to wear a heavier wool sock in winter. They were the perfect style, so I am going to try to go to another larger Dielmann to see if they by chance still have a 42. It would seem that 42 is a popular women’s size, but most stores, if not all, only stock one single pair. The other smaller sizes they have plenty of, which end up being sold at the end of the season for cheap money because they didn’t sell. It doesn’t make any sense to me. EDIT—I just took a break from writing this to check to see if I could find the boots online…I just ordered them and they will be delivered in the next couple of days! Yay!!! They only cost 89 euro, which is a great price for leather boots. I have satisfied my craving for a casual jeans kind of boot. Now I can concentrate on making knickerbocker jeans to go with them.
I should try to clean my apartment today. The clutter is getting the better of me and it needs to be dealt with, now.
posted by Christine Cormier @ 7:11 PM
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