good morning

Good morning.  I slept through the night.  That was scary.  I am realizing that taking proper care of myself is paramount, in particular sleep.  Being overtired only serves to compound the depression.  I feel a little embarrassed now about what I wrote yesterday and was thinking of deleting the posts.  But, I think I will leave them up to remind me that I want to live more than I want to die.  The lack of sleep combined with reading unsettling things could be a deadly combination for me, and should be avoided.  I don’t like finding myself in such a dark state of mind.  I must get over her on my own.  No one can help me do it, especially her.  Maybe it would be best if we never speak or see each other ever again.  I’m pretty sure as I sit here that it would not be good for me to see her anytime soon.  I am worried for myself if that should happen.  A negative experience would only further destabilize me.  I think back to the time span of October till December, a time when I was feeling really good about myself, mostly because I had had no contact with her whatsoever.  Then I contacted her again and started down this slippery slope.  I have done this to myself.  I am sorry if the posts from yesterday cause concern for those who may read them, but this is my reality and I must learn somehow to live with it on my own.  Thankfully, I have more happy days than sad days, and the sad days are somewhat preventable.  The sad days will always be there and that is normal, but the depths to which I sink I must learn to better control.  Again, taking better care of myself is key, since I have realized my life depends on it.