seitan man, seitan

I am becoming so proud of myself. I have started actually cooking for myself again. I guess I shouldn’t let someone else decide what goes into the food I eat. I should be able to decide that. I have been cooking exclusively vegetarian dishes. I was introduced to seitan by someone very dear to me, and now I can’t get enough. Seitan is a universal meat like product that is completely made of plants. It doesn’t take flavoring very easily, so I am trying different types of marinades. The other night I made mustard crusted seitan with sautéed zucchini/carrots/mushrooms and sweet potato fries. I fried the battered seitan pieces in a skillet with palm oil, but the batter came off in some places. I think I have another idea how to do the batter better.

Cause mama’s gonna make us cake!

Tonight I made a nice lentil stew. I was in the mood for something Indian-like and I need some probiotics, I cooked with a bit of yoghurt. I was a bit unsure of how much to put in, but it worked out very yummy. The stuff I put in was carrots, potato, green beans, red lentils, Padilla lentils, and brown mushrooms. For the seasoning I used a half and onion, ginger chunks, minced garlic, six cloves, thyme, cumin, olive oil, and miso paste. I let it simmer for an hour and a half until all the veggies were cooked firm. I made jasmine rice with a bit of olive oil and turmeric to give it a yellow color. I also threw in some yoghurt this time which has opened my eyes to that unique taste that some Indian dishes have. It was a very nice combination, but the stew will need more seasoning next time. I have enough left over to eat two more times, and I’m sure the spices will be better the next time I eat it. I had a nice rheinhessen dry red wine with it. I finished with a coffee and grappa. I feel nice.

I have been thinking about whether I could be able to simulate French meat pie with seitan or tofu. I know the spices and the cooking sequence, but I will need to get creative with the first step. I have mimi’s meat grinder, so no worries about the hardware. The meat depended on a bit of fat, but I don’t know how to substitute it. Olive oil maybe? The pie crust I can make with veggie shortening.

I want to try making orange ginger seitan soon. Like orange ginger duck without the foul. I can buy several different forms of seitan, but I think I might want to learn how to make my own. I imagine it would be better if the spices were mixed in with it when it is made.

I haven’t eaten a frozen pizza since a couple of months now. Just about the only time I eat meat anymore is at lunch in the cafeteria at work. The cornflake chicken breast, sauerbraten, roast pork, and sometimes even duck. The food there is really fattening, so I try not to overdo it.

I was invited to see Susanne Vega in concert last Monday night in Amsterdam by a very sweet reptilian. I had never seen her in concert before, but I realized that I knew most of her songs from the radio enough to sing along. She gave a very nice performance. The crocomel really liked I could tell. Her delight was very nice to be a part of.

I drink lots of herbal tea and my coffee in small but potent little cups. I love my bialettis. I scored 4 nice red wine glasses at real,- yesterday for 9 euro. They have an updated version of the old green stamps from the 70s that you can use to get the glassware. I think the next thing will be a wine decanter.

Buying shoes has sort of a comforting effect on me. Maybe its instinctual, that I have warm and durable boots for winter. I broke down and ordered two pairs of black lace up boots from fluevog in the states. I miss having a pair of vogs. I can’t wait until they arrive. Now I just have to make some clothes to wear them with. That will be soon.

I managed to file all my paperwork today that apparently I haven’t organized since May. I washed all the laundry too. I want to do the dishes and then maybe vacuum also. I think washing my body will have to wait for tomorrow.

I have tested my dirtiness limits in the recent past. I went three days without a shower. I did brush the teeth and wash the face daily, and baby wipes help with certain places. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be, but my skin did dry out pretty bad. That week I went seven days without washing my hair. I can take it, but my scalp can’t. I need to wash with tar soap every three days, but I usually go four or five days. I have gotten so lazy when it comes to my hair. It’s getting quite long again and I just don’t feel like dealing.

chico and the man

I am filled with all kinds of crazy energy. I miss writing. I realize now that I have to write to feel ok. I have been keeping notes here and there in my paper journal, but it’s not the same. There has been so much to write about, but I haven’t had the ambition to do anything. I plan on cleaning my apartment today since I really haven’t cleaned well in two months. four out of the last eight weeks were spent away and I was fighting yet more health problems.

I had taken antibiotics to help me get rid of the nagging tonsillitis that wouldn’t seem to go away on its own. The antibiotics upset the balance of my intestinal flora and as a result my digestive system didn’t work anymore. I lost all my normal water weight and felt weak all the time. I have eaten lots of yoghurt and yoghurt cultures to attempt to get myself back in order. The original sickness started as a sinus infection and then evolved into tonsillitis, and then gastroenteritis. The tonsillitis was apparently caused by an imbalance in the bacteria in my throat and tongue. I had a yellow tongue for a couple of weeks. Normally the body will be able to get the balance back naturally. My job stresses led to burnout and I guess the recovery is going to take more than a couple of months.

I often long to find a hair from her in my stuff when I get home and unpack. I’m sure there are lots of hairs from me everywhere for her to find. It may seem silly and insignificant, but for some reason I quietly obsess over it. Little things that remind me of her. Maybe its because it is an actual piece of her that I would be able to touch when distance separates us.

I was promised that I will have my evaluations for surgery in hand before the December holidays. I hope to have everything I need to apply and submit it all before xmas. I still need to get examinations by the endocrinologist, urologist, and my physician. I had to write a self assessment for my therapist to illustrate my understanding of the risks and impact that sex reassignment surgery could have on me. Some of the issues that I had to write about were very upsetting. I wrote the document over a week, struggling with things I didn’t want to think about and then having to put the feelings into words was not fun. In the end I had four pages of mostly raw emotion. Two weeks after submitting it I had to make a couple of corrections and clarifications. While trying to eliminate a vague sentence, I decided on a totally different thought and instead of one sentence I had three. I still feel it is a bit scatterbrained, probably because it is just lots of feelings. It is not so easy to arrange feeling into neat categories. My therapist and all that have read it have given me very positive feedback. I almost want to go back and edit it again, but I think i will just try to leave it alone. It’s done. Finito

I don’t necessarily enjoy reading my own writing, but it seems that those that read it seem to like it. Writing is something that I have always excelled in whether it be technical or creative. I usually have a little fear that I won’t know what to write when I set out to write something. I try to compromise with myself to get the process in motion. I will usually start by just writing random thoughts which act like little incisions. The words and thoughts then come trickling out like the crimson blood that flows from the incisions. Not all of what I write I would describe so metaphorically. I have thought about putting some effort into a serious writing project of some kind, something publishable. The problem is that I don’t have an idea of what to write about. It was suggested by my therapist that I could write my transition memoirs, but that is a fairly mundane topic to me. I would like more to write about sex/gender/queer/trans as I experience it today. Most of the trans books that I am reading or have read are all ten years or older. The world is a much different place now than it was ten years ago. I guess the danger is always that the content would be outdated as soon as it is published.

I have been experiencing a different side of the world that I find very stimulating. I have spent lots of time in the underground or underwater as the case may be. Its sort of like liberalist extremism in some ways. But the difference to me between conservative extremism and liberalist is to inflict injury on the system by using its own means against it. This sort of life living demands constant action, however small, to keep pushing for real change. it is no longer a life of convenience and consumerism, but one of vigilance. It is no longer acceptable to me to just let the conditions of the world just wash over me without doing anything about what is wrong with it. Cutting dependence on meat, supporting only just companies, and lending a hand where needed. Small steps to freedom.

I had a debate recently about shoplifting, or taking back from the man what is yours. I have met some people recently that believe that shoplifting is a form of protest. I haven’t made up my mind of how I feel about it. I wouldn’t do it because I don’t feel I need to, and I don’t like the risk of losing my personal freedom, even for the few hours it takes to get booked.

More to come. Amore.