blocked like

I’m feeling a bit discouraged tonight. My aikido practice earlier was totally off. I was the only woman there, except for the instructor, not that it makes a difference. I have been letting myself get frustrated at work over the past two days. I practiced with the Jo last night with Günter instructing, and that went relatively well considering it was only the second time I had one in my hand. Reflecting on tonight, I didn’t really feel any energy in the dojo, like there usually is. Strange how it all felt a bit different tonight. I have practiced with small groups before, and have much preferred them over larger groups. I am tending to think it is just me trying to come up with reasons for having a not so optimal practice. It could be that I may be pushing myself too much. I have been in the dojo every night since last Friday, today being Wednesday. I wanted to practice with the sword with Anita sensei tomorrow night, but I will wait to see how I feel.

I can feel my body changing, toughening up somewhat. The muscle and joint pain lasted for days in the beginning, but now it lasts a couple of hours. The pain that I feel is largely self inflicted by either not rolling or falling properly. I can slowly feel myself becoming better at it, but like tonight the position that I am supposed to roll forward out of was very difficult. It was mostly because I was limited to one hand only, which is very difficult for me at my confidence level. Kim did some sort of forward flip without making contact with the tatami, only when she landed. I was in awe. They make it look so easy. They all wear hakama so it figures they have it down after practicing for years longer than me. The way I feel about it all is that I am almost positive I will continue to practice for many years to come, perhaps the rest of my life. I am trying to train without a specific goal except for improvement of self maybe. I guess I really want to become very good at it of course, and I have to remember all those wearing hakama started right where I am today, at the beginning.

le tigre & bianco

I miss my bebe really bad. It seems almost surreal that I was in Milan just a couple of hours ago. I have just returned from a weekend in Milan for an Aikido seminar. I hope she is either laying down reading a book at Anna’s, or out having a good time with the Milanese from the dojo. in any case, I hope she is enjoying herself. I have a nice feeling she is. I left her rather quickly at linate aeroporto. We had been relaxing on the futon at Anna’s and ended up getting a really late start for the airport with public trans. Trans. We took a tram to the east of center, and then a 73 bus in the direction of the airport. We were worried that I was going to be too late for my flight, so we got off the bus to try to catch a taxi. Seems it is really difficult to just catch a taxi in Milan, it is usually more effective to call one ahead there. Allora, we decided to get on the next bus to the airport. I was almost sure at that point that I would not make it, but was trying to remain positive and relaxed. I ran ahead to try to find the check in counter, one wrong one, and then the right one, all running in one and a half inch heels. I got checked in and my bag too, and then we said our ciao amore’s quickly as I headed for the security. I blew her a kiss as I went out of sight into the security line. I ran to the gate and ended up having to wait to get on the bus to go to the plane. It was a quick flight and I caught the public trans just right so I didn’t have to wait to get home.

I wrote Thomas an sms to ask him to tell the aquanun that I made my flight and am home safely. I apologized for forgetting to say tot ziens to him and bas. He replied that he would tell the kroc my message and that several of the women from the dojo send their love. What a bunch of tough women he is hanging out with. I like Thomas; he has really nice energy and is a lot of fun to be around. I met a lot of new people from the Tsuda school from France and Italy. The women outnumbered the guys by a few. I had met three of the women from Milan in February at the workshop in Amsterdam. One of them, Elena, I felt that I connected with because she helped me a lot in the first weekend in hamsterdam. The Krok told a few of them that I was coming and they were surprised to hear I had been practicing since I began six weeks ago, but were scared for me when they learned I have been practicing at an Aikikai federation dojo. Federation schools are focused on the martial art aspect of aikido and are relatively hardcore.

I wish I could live and practice in Milan or Japan, either would be a dream come true. I like how the Tsuda school has retained the spiritual part of aikido, whereas it has become sort of like a life philosophy to me. I would like to try to do the respiratory practice every morning before work; I think I would feel more prepared for the day. Respiratory practice oversimplified is a stretching routine fused with coordinated respiration. I won’t get into what it all means, one has to experience it personally to understand it in depth. Or at least to understand enough to become interested to want to learn more. I felt really warmly welcomed by the Milanese and the entire weekend was an incredible experience I wont ever forget. I felt like I was with family almost immediately. The experiences of the weekend together were very deep in the dojo. Katsugen Undo this morning was amazing. I feel I am on a real high from it. I can’t wait to practice with them again soon.

I’m glad that I decided to volunteer to cook a dish for lunch after the workshop, since I ducked out feeling distraught over nothing the first time. We made a 500g pot of Daal. It was just enough I think, the pan was finished and several people complemented me on it. I am glad that everyone liked it.

My body feels relatively fine after practicing aikido and katsugen undo four times over three days. I feel full of energy and yet very relaxed and serene. Bed is calling so this wannabe samurai is going to heed it. ciao! a dopo!